Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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