mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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