So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
