Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i would punch a child for taco bell
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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