Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
