I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
