woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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