I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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