There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
