Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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