Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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