my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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