i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
