carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
