I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
