I wish my penis had an off switch
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
