At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
