You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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