Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My pussy is not your playground.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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