did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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