Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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