uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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