Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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