...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
