Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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