Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
