Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
