i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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