Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
