the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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