We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
