We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Did I show you my penis last night?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
