he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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