Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
