Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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