Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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