Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
