Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
