oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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