i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
