Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
