so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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