Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
