why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
