My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
