Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
