She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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