Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
