Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
