R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i dont even know how to be here
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
