dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
