You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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