Don't you send me to vm
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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