but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
