Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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