i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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