I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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