All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
