When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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